The Zong

Happy New Year, to all 8 of you who still read this thing. I’ve been drinking prodigiously in anticipation of today’s announcement that the 49ers can’t get enough of Mike Nolan and the amazing teams he has led for the last three years. I guess they figure he’ll do a lot better with someone undermining his authority by having more of it than he does.

After two days of deliberation, 49ers owners John and Denise DeBartolo York decided Tuesday to retain Nolan, who has two years left on the five-year contract he signed before the 2005 season. His 16-32 record over three seasons, including a 5-11 mark in ‘07, put his job in jeopardy, and he will likely make changes to his coaching staff.

Nolan, who has also been the 49ers’ de facto general manager since joining the franchise, agreed to give up front-office control as a condition of his return. The franchise will hire a general manager to assume those duties, and the leading contender is believed to be current vice president of player personnel Scot McCloughan.

I’ve long been past the point of actually trying to figure out what the fuck the Yorks think they’re doing, but when a team goes three seasons and has DOUBLE the number of losses as they do wins, and when the most recent of those seasons was maybe the hardest to watch as this last one was, professional NFL franchises fire the head coach. There’s just no other decision to make, and if you were still on the fence, you might look and see that this team scored the fewest points (219) in franchise history for a 16-game season, tied with the 1979 Niners, and you might remember the public spat with Alex Smith, a first-pick, world-class bust who was Nolan’s first major decision as head coach, and you might read the Chronicle article that suggests that the man has lost the respect of at least part of the team.

“Do you think he’s coming back?” two defensive starters asked point-blank. The question was startling. For obvious reasons, they didn’t want their names used.

Told that Nolan appeared safe for a fourth season, both players reacted negatively.

“This win shouldn’t gloss over anything,” one player said. “I really hope it doesn’t.”

Both players said they wanted a coaching change, citing numerous issues with Nolan they said have been setbacks for what they consider to be a strong defense: questionable personnel schemes, such as abandoning the base 3-4 scheme too often in favor of nickel and dime sub packages that left the edges and middle of the field exposed; favoritism that determines playing time; poor game and clock management; poor communication that extends beyond the Nolan-Alex Smith injury flap.

And if you were still stupid enough to think he deserves another year, you might remember the countless tactical gaffes Nolan has made ON THE PLAYING FIELD. Ranging from simple bad decisions on declining penalties that should have been accepted to clear demonstrations of a lack of understanding of the game, I’m just not sure what else you need to see to fire the guy. The thing is, I personally really like Nolan. He says the right things and may yet turn out to be a good coach some day, but the guy has to be held accountable. There’s more to coaching a winning team than wearing a suit and reminding people that you’re in charge all the time.

So, as Niner fans look forward to next season, they can probably expect more of the same. Patrick Willis is amazing, but he’s only one guy.

Not to be outdone by the Yorks in the race to field the most miserable franchise in the Bay Area, the San Francisco Baseball Giants and owner Peter MacGowan are hard at work making sure that they’re even more embarrassing to their fans than they were with Barry Bonds as the face of the team. With Bonds facing indictment, I guess it’s hard for me to imagine the Giants actually bringing him back at this point, but barring the signing of a few more players who should be retired, your starting lineup in 2008 is starting to look a lot like this:

1. Dave Roberts LF
2. Randy Winn RF
3. Aaron Rowand CF
4. Bengie Molina C
5. Ray Durham 2B
6. Dan Ortmeier 1B
7. Omar Vizquel SS
8. Rich Aurilia 3B

There is no doubt in my mind that this will represent the worst offensive team in Major League Baseball in 2008. On the heels of the Mitchell Report, which points a lot of fingers at the Giants’ front office and few at anyone else above the players, one wonders if things can get much worse for this team. It’s sad to me that the Giants will actually have a great rotation in place for the foreseeable future, but expect a starting ERA up around 5 by season’s end, as the great young pitchers on this staff will go out every game thinking they have to pitch a no-hitter to get a win. This might actually be true, and the fact is that no pitcher can pitch well under that kind of pressure, and no team can win without scoring runs and without a closer. Brad Hennessey does not a successful bullpen make, and it looks like the Giants will be waiting on the post-Bonds-era Youth Movement for about a half-century or so.

I guess this is the year I start watching the Warriors again, since they’re the only Bay Area team that seems to have its shit together, but I get all weirded out when I see Nelly coaching and Chris Mullin in a suit.

I guess San Francisco Sports in 2008 will be bad enough that I’ll forget all about 2007, and if that’s the best silver lining I can find, then fuck it, I’m gonna buy some paper bags.

- M.G.