The Zong

Remember in 2002 when the National Intelligence Estimate said Iraq was going to use something called Weapons of Mass Destruction to whip America’s ass? I was pretty sure I remembered that, and I went and read some of it. From the “Key Judgements” comes this little tidbit, which I’m sure you’ll remember from the W. Administration’s Greatest Hits album:

“If Baghdad acquires sufficient fissile material from abroad it could make a nuclear weapon within several months to a year. “

That little clause goes right up there with “The smoking gun in the form of a mushroom cloud” and “We’re fighting them over there so that we don’t have to fight them over here” in the bullshit rhetoric Hall of Fame that was constructed in order to justify invading and pillaging a sovereign nation that never attacked us. At the time, the NIE was touted as a Big Fucking Deal by everyone who supported the war, including Hillary Clinton, and was given to us as pretty much hard factual evidence, even though absolutely none of it was true.

So you can imagine my joy in reading about the new NIE on Iran, which says:

“…Iran halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003 and that the program remains frozen, contradicting judgment two years ago that Tehran was working relentlessly toward building a nuclear bomb”

All political uses aside (ha ha), since the 2002 debacle, I would posit that the NIE has about as much structural integrity as this country’s bridges, but that’s never stopped the Bush Administration from using something to justify a war before, so I expected them to maybe come out and announce the creation of a bipartisan congressional committee to work out what should go in the giant holiday gift basket we’re about to send to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I mean, the NIE says all sorts of things which suggest that Iran is done being part of the Axis of Evil and is more interested in being part of the Cadre of Good Guys. To wit:

Tehran’s decision to halt its nuclear weapons program suggests it is less determined to develop nuclear weapons than we have been judging since 2005. Our assessment that the program probably was halted primarily in response to international pressure suggests Iran may be more vulnerable to influence on the issue than we judged previously.

Our assessment that Iran halted the program in 2003 primarily in response to international pressure indicates Tehran’s decisions are guided by a cost-benefit approach rather than a rush to a weapon irrespective of the political, economic, and military costs.

There is plenty of bet-hedging in the report, as we are reminded that Iran probably still wants to develop nuclear weapons, and I’m sure that’s true. I want a lot of stuff too, like a swimming-pool full of scotch and strippers, but my intelligence suggests that it will be a few decades before I am able to achieve that objective. Still, you’d never know any of this hearing it from Steve Hadley who loves to read between the lines when it comes to matters of National Security.

But the national security adviser, Stephen J. Hadley, quickly issued a statement describing the N.I.E. as containing positive news rather than reflecting intelligence mistakes.

“It confirms that we were right to be worried about Iran seeking to develop nuclear weapons,” Mr. Hadley said. “It tells us that we have made progress in trying to ensure that this does not happen. But the intelligence also tells us that the risk of Iran acquiring a nuclear weapon remains a very serious problem.”

“The estimate offers grounds for hope that the problem can be solved diplomatically — without the use of force — as the administration has been trying to do,” Mr. Hadley said.

In looking over the transcript, I don’t see any pauses or notes to show when Hadley had to clear his throat and cover his mouth to subdue the hysterical fucking laughter that must have been welling up inside him as he said all this. I mean, I understand how politicians learn to spin shit in their favor all the time, but are you fucking kidding me?

- M.G.