The Zong

Imagine that you’re a farmer. Just imagine it. Now imagine that you’re a farmer in the State of Qatar. I’m not sure what you farm in Qatar, but the Wikipedia suggests that you probably farm pearls or natural gas, so your life is probably pretty peaceful. Anyhow, imagine that one day, as you sit quietly watching your herd of pearl necklace-clad natural gases serenely grazing in your fields of whatever, a giant explosion on the grounds of your farm shatters any illusions you might have that your country will remain untouched by war, bringing about memories of the colonial rule of the British and Ottoman Empires that the Wikipedia just told me about.

Then, imagine that you are told that the explosion was an errant Patriot missile, sent to your front door by the United States of America, and then you read a quote like this:

“Those things are not supposed to accidentally discharge,” said Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman. “It was not supposed to happen.”

I don’t know how to say “No shit, motherfucker” in Arabic, but I’m sure it sounds hilarious.

Maybe the headline is only barely HOF material, but I’m putting it up there anyhow. I wish someone at Reuters had the wherewithal to come with a headline like “Errant Patriot Bombs yet Another Islamic Nation,” but that’s neither here nor there. As it is, I think we can all agree that when someone at the Pentagon refers to any of our advanced weaponry as “those things,” it doesn’t bode well for anyone within range, much lest anyone in the entire Middle East.

- M.G.