The Zong

The early verdict is that nobody at the “historic” YouTube Debates/Commercial for Google last night did much to jostle the field of Democratic candidates, leaving self-titled “progressive” Hillary Clinton ever perched atop her growing mountain of moderate affirmative-denials. America evidently still digs mealy-mouthed status-quomongers with horrible taste in music.

While I loved seeing the candidates answering questions from snowmen and gun-fuckers, I’ll go ahead and say that last night’s debates should jostle the field a little bit when registered Democrats like me wake up and say “Hang on a second. Where the FUCK was Al Gore?”

Oh, right. He’s busy watching his kids playfully fucking with the entire fate of the planet. Silly me.

The son of former Vice President Al Gore has been charged with two felony counts of possessing a controlled substance and two misdemeanor counts of possessing a drug without a prescription, one misdemeanor count of marijuana possession and one count of traffic offence for speeding. The charges against Albert Gore III stem from his July 4 arrest when Orange County sheriff’s deputies stopped him for speeding and a search of his car found the drugs.

Speeding is a pretty stupid thing to do, especially when you’re driving around all hopped up on the hippie speedball. Nevertheless, he’s 24, and as this 30-year old curmudgeon sees it, kids are fucking stupid. Ask Jenna Bush.

What really caught my eye, though, was a little blurb in the Boston Herald, that paper that they forgot to tell you about, where Al Gore’s daughter basically says her dad is already the President of Being a Great Guy, and that’s enough for him.

According to ABC News, during a Friday book signing in Washington, D.C., Kristin Gore went farther than her father, saying it just wasn’t going to happen.

“He’s really not going to get in the race,” Kristin Gore reportedly said when asked if she had any insight into her father’s political plans. “He’s really liberated working on things he cares about.”

Thanks for clearing that up. The suspense was fucking killing me.

One thing is for sure. At a time when this country’s ideology has been ushered to the left by the Neoconservative Mind-Fuck of the Bush Presidency, I can think of no better candidate than one who is and always has been unapologetically progressive on environmental, social and foreign policy issues, and I can’t think of a better time for him to form a committee to explore the possibility of running for president than, let’s say the next two weeks or so.

- M.G.