The Zong

I didn’t watch the GOP debate last night, partly because I was watching some other depressing bullshit and partly because I think it’s stupid to watch a presidential debate between people I’ll never vote for.

Other people will vote for them, though, and after reading through a few synopsi of the proceedings, one particular exchange really caught my eye and tickled my “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?” bone. It was about torture, specifically waterboarding, and it went a little something like this:

The Fox moderators introduced a fictitious scenario, in which terrorists have attacked several shopping centers, resulting in hundreds of deaths. But some of the terrorists were captured, apparently with information about another attack. How aggressively do you interrogate them, the candidates were asked.

It gave McCain another opportunity to repeat his opposition to torture, a cause he championed in the Senate. As someone who was tortured as a prisoner of war in Vietnam, McCain said that the U.S. would lose far more from torturing prisoners than it would gain, he said. He asserted that those who have served in the military – as opposed to those who had not – tend to agree with him. His opposition to torture included the process of water-boarding, a technique McCain said began during the Spanish Inquisition.

Other candidates, while not endorsing torture, refused to rule out water-boarding. Tancredo was most succinct. “I’m looking for Jack Bauer at this point,” he said, referring to the character on the popular Fox TV show “24″ known for showing unorthodox interrogation methods.

It is here that you are free to become retarded with disbelief that someone who is running for president thinks that a fictional character from a television show can actually save America from the terrorists with his “unorthodox” interrogation methods. Props to John McCain to standing firm on the only issue he hasn’t changed his mind about since we got to know him. He should totally run for president on a “Torture is for Assholes” platform.

Almost as eyebrow-raising was the response of current front-runner and America’s Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani.

Giuliani, who was mayor of New York during the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks, said extreme interrogation techniques would be justified if an attack was being planned.

“I would tell the people who had to do the interrogation to use every method they could think of,” said Giuliani. “Shouldn’t be torture, but every method they can think of.”

Those methods could include the controversial use of “waterboarding,” he said. “I would support them in doing that because I can see what can happen when you make a mistake,” he said.

I guess nobody of consequence has decided yet if waterboarding is considered torture. Either way, it’s nice to see that being the mayor of a big city qualifies you to run the entire fucking country. Maybe I should run for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors and in a few years they’ll let me be the Governator!

Extra Credit: Read this article from the New Yorker about J-Bau and his stupid show.

- M.G.