The Zong

There are a couple of immutable truths here on The Zong, and one of those truths is that the NBA is complete garbage, and I have no interest in watching it. I’d probably watch a bunch of games if they only televised the last five minutes of each game, and then only if the score was within 15 points.

The thing is, it wasn’t always this way. I grew up watching the Warriors play, and I was a regular three-sport kid, even though I would have had trouble shooting a basketball into the ocean with my feet getting wet. I remember “Run TMC” at its greatest: the tall, dorky buzz-cutted Chris Mullin, the exciting internal rhyme of Mitch Richmond’s name, and Tim Hardaway back before we knew he was a bigoted asshole. Don Nelson’s (yup, the same Don Nelson) Run n’ Gun was pretty fun to watch back in the day, and I was excited when they made the playoffs in 1994.

That was 13 fucking years ago, and a lot has changed since then. Cell phones were as big as typewriters, Michael Jackson was still cool, etc. Still, that was the last time the Warriors even sniffed the postseason. In a league where half the teams make the playoffs, a drought that bad is too much for a short kid who can’t make a layup to take, and so you can’t blame me for casting off my love for basketball. Who was I gonna cheer for, the Kings?

Here’s the thing: I’m willing to be convinced that basketball isn’t so bad, but it’s a tall order. It’s hard for me not to be a little excited for the team I once loved, and the fact that they’re prohibitive underdogs makes me even more interested. The thing is, I’m gonna watch the games, and so they have to win, or at least make things exciting. There’s probably a little room in my heart for one more sports franchise now that the Giants are trying to kill me, so bring it on, Warriors. Don’t fuck this up.

- M.G.