The Zong

I can hear it now, from all five of you: “Where the hell have you been?”

Amongst other things, I’ve been watching the San Francisco Baseball Giants open up their season, and I have two words for you:

“As Advertised.”

I was strongly considering a profanity-laced tirade on Monday after a grueling opening week that saw this team fulfill the predictions of even the most amateur prophets, and then I thought that maybe I should wait a little while to see if maybe Bochy could find a way to string together a couple of wins with this band of has-beens and never-was-gonna-bes.

The thing is, getting swept by the Dodgers is bad enough, but I was at the game on Sunday, and I’ll tell you this much about baseball: Your number-one starter is generally supposed to do pretty well against the other team’s number-five starter. I don’t blame Zito; how can any finesse pitcher pitch well when he knows he’s going to get exactly dick for run support?

So, with only two wins in a week and a half under their belt, not to mention a win last night that I couldn’t really be happy about, I present a few humble observations:

1. I understand the players need to trust and respect their manager, and I understand that Bochy is new here, but his primary goal is to win baseball games, and sending Armando Benitez out to the mound, EVER, runs counter to that goal in every single way possible. He hangs sliders, throws batting-practice fastballs, and has already *almost* blown two saves in two chances this season. To make matters worse, every time he gives up a homer in the ninth, he smiles and pats his own chest like he’s trying to take responsibility for it. Oh, wait…that was YOUR fault? He must be a really good teammate for not blaming it on his outfielders, who should be able to catch 520-foot fly balls. The sooner Bochy throws Benitez under the bus, the sooner the team starts to win games.

2. The rest of the bullpen is horrible, too. While they may show flashes of competence, I haven’t watched a single game yet, a SINGLE GAME, where one of the relievers hasn’t walked at least one leadoff batter. Lead or no lead, isn’t that a pretty bad example to set for the kids who want to grow up to be middle relievers?

3. The lineup is what everyone said it would be: Old and shitty. Barry Bonds used to be a game-changer because he had a little protection. I hate Jeff Kent more than the next guy, but he’s a shitload better at protecting the power in the lineup than Rich Aurilia or Ray Durham. Also, why the hell is Pedro Feliz still playing baseball?

4. San Francisco’s love affair with Brian Sabean should be nearing a bloody, heart-rending end. When (or before) he gets fired by the All-Star Break because there won’t be any Giants in the game they’re hosting, I’ll be happy to detail the litany of terrible decisions made by Sabean, and show you why the Jeff Kent and Jason Schmidt trades don’t matter anymore.

In general, this is just not a good baseball team, and may finish the season as among the worst in the majors. I think even the fans kind of knew that Barry Zito wouldn’t be able to save the season all by himself, but we sure hoped that it wouldn’t be as bad as all this. Think it’s a little early to be bitching? Well, you haven’t been paying attention.

- M.G.