The Zong

So, the United States Senate just passed a bill to implement the remaining reforms recommended by the 9/11 commission!

Yes, that 9/11. The one that happened on September the 11th, 2001.

We’re just a few days past the mark of 6 months until the 6-year anniversary of our country’s greatest tragedy, and I sit here and seethe when I think of all the times progressives and congressional Democrats have been accused of hating this country by conservatives and their associated moronic shitbirds. If we hate this country so much, then how come it took a Democratic majority to pass the recommendations of a commission that finished it’s report three fucking years ago?

There are still some real comedians in the Senate, Republicans all, who didn’t want this bill passed, and all 38 of them will make sure a presidential veto stands when it comes to that.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) criticized the legislation, saying it would weaken U.S. security overall by “pumping for big labor.” By allowing the workers to unionize, Democrats “would make the Department of Homeland Security more like the Department of Motor Vehicles,” he said.

Can we get a rimshot for Mitch? NICE!

Seriously folks, the DMV is a horrible place to spend an afternoon, especially if you own a couple of old VWs, but I’ll tell you what: the DMV is a much more efficient and intimidating governmental entity than the Department of Homeland Security. I’m pretty sure DMV has done just about as much to keep this country safe from hurricanes as DHS has, and you can be damn sure that if a terrorist tries to get a parking permit in San Francisco, he’s gonna have to go through the proper channels.

Also, is “Big Labor” like “Big Tobacco?” If it is, then Mitch McConnell should be all for it, considering the fact that he got $48,000 for his campaign from the Tobacco Lobby between 1991-1996. Maybe the Labor Lobby doesn’t get its props because it isn’t as good at giving people cancer, but I digress.

As it goes, the White House and all the patriots in the Senate who voted against the bill have their knickers in a twist over the fact that the bill would allow TSA employees to unionize. Lord knows we can’t possibly protect our liberty and protect the rights of workers at the same time. Fuck it, then. Let’s just leave things the way they were because unions are such a horrible blight on our democracy!

The thing is, even if you take this bullshit reason as justification for voting no on this bill, where’s the justification for not implementing these changes, union-free, when you had two houses of congress and the White House controlled by Republicans for 5 years after the attacks? Let me guess: it was Clinton’s fault.

- M.G.