The Zong

So let me get this straight. Your football team goes 14-2 in the regular season, puts nine of its players into the Pro Bowl, loses a playoff game to one of the toughest postseason teams in history, and you fire your coach after all the other vacancies have been filled because your General Manager doesn’t like the way he butters his bread. Then you come over to San Francisco, a team struggling to put together a consistent plan on either side of the ball, and hire away their offensive coordinator, who has an overwhelming losing record as a head coach but who seems to be improving the prospects of the Niners’ young quarterback.

Please don’t misunderstand me when I say this:

Go fuck yourself, San Diego.

I don’t blame Norv Turner. He was offered perhaps the best coaching opportunity anyone’s ever been offered anywhere, although he should watch out for that slimeball of a G.M. he has to work with. With nine all-pros and perhaps the most dominant NFL player at any offensive position since forever, the Chargers could probably hire Dennis Erickson (who has a better winning percentage in the NFL than Turner) and still go 10-6 next season. If Norv doesn’t put together a couple winning seasons with this squad, then he should start looking for high-school football head coaching jobs where the principal doesn’t make the personnel decisions.

What is truly mystifying is that the Chargers didn’t even interview several available coaches, with postseason credentials, for their vacancy. Why not call Jimmy Johnson or Steve Mariucci, or even Jim Fassel? Is Norv Turner a better candidate than any of those guys? I for one can tell you that Mooch is dying to get off of the NFL Network so that he doesn’t have to do segments sitting next to Deion Sanders anymore. He’s probably deaf in his right ear by now.

All of this leaves the 49ers a lot worse off than they were, coaching-wise, and it’s pretty late in the game to be hiring coordinators. As Alex Smith tries to learn his third offense since college while Norv Turner’s team stumbles into the playoffs in the weakest division in football, I want San Diegans to remember that they live in a second-rate city, with second-rate football and baseball teams and the weakest housing market in California. Maybe more people would want to live there if you had any fucking idea how to put together a winning sports franchise.

Also, those “vintage” powder-blue uniforms make the Chargers look like they play for a community college.

- M.G.